omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
