i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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