you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
