It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
