She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
