No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
