Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
