Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
