I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
