nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
