When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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