His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
