Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
