Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
