There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
