i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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