just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
