he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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