True but thats because hes a fetus.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
