just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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