there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
