He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
