im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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