Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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