Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
