xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
