Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
