Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
