Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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