this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
