i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
