I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
