The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
