im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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