I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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