I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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