The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
