its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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