Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
