Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i think i just lost a toe
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
