is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
even my farts smell like vagina
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
