my sisters under your porch take her home
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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