i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
