the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
