Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
