Betty ford says i'm here all night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
