there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
