I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
