I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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