Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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