I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
