you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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