as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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