I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
