That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
