I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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