I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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