Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
