Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
