she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
