I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
