I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
