Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
