i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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